My photo
-Bearded Creative Pioneer of the World of Tomorrow-

Monday, April 26, 2010

Depressing thought/ Childhood story

Even when I am at my happiest I am haunted by current events, not only in my own life, but for those less fortunate than myself. This is a dark time indeed and I feel that I have drastically changed along with it. Seeing my eager and bright-eyed (not so much bushy tailed) face in my graduation pictures from a year ago is a strange experience. I have seen and dealt with so much in this time period that when I look in the mirror, I see something completely different in my eyes. My parents even mentioned something about how I never expected to be where I am now, or how dealing with these problems weren't in my plan. Hearing those words struck a nerve and I nearly teared up. The naivety of my former self is hard to deal with. Nobody ever warned me of the challenges that I have met, and that hurts too. On my last post, I mentioned how I hope that the harder events of the last year will be a proverbial treasure trove of material for future writing, but I find myself longing to forget it all and forget the tears that fell from my eyes and the clenched fists of frustration. But I know that these are experiences I will hold with me forever and have shaped who am I even more than my four years of college, which sometimes makes me wonder what I paid that money for and what my piece of paper has gotten me. I know it hasn't been long enough to appreciate the merit of it all, but the last year has been the longest of my life.

But anyways...

I will leave you with a very vivid memory from my childhood. I was either 4 or 5 years old and living in Arizona. Jurassic Park had recently been released, and although I was too afraid to watch the entire movie (my mother had to leave the theater with me as soon as the T-Rex broke through the fence,) I had a Jurassic Park backpack, PHANNY pack, and tent. The tent remained pitched in my room for as long as it stayed in one piece. One day, my parents had left my brothers and I home alone. I believe it was close to Halloween, for we all took out our costumes and started playing. Aaron (6 years older) was dungeon keeper/Igor, Matthew (3 years older) was a safari hunter, and I was a knight- this was back when you were still allowed to have toy guns and swords out and about. So, in the scenario we were playing out, I was a knight going through the house and looking for danger to slay. Along the way I met Matthew and we teamed up. After one unsuccessful sweep of the area, we returned to my Jurassic Park tent. Matthew then went out on his own while I kept the fort safe. He was gone for what felt like hours. A shrill, maniacal laughter filled the house and Matthew stumbled in my tent, complete with marker blood coming from his mouth and marker cuts on his arms. He died in my arms. I ran into the hallway, destined to fight the terrible Aaron, but I did not see him. When I went back to the tent, Matthew was gone. I proceeded to sit down and yell out ," Somebody??!?!.....anybody." It was exactly like Lion King, and I knew it as soon as the words exited my mouth. Needless to say, I cried and Aaron and Matthew came out and convinced me it wasn't real.

1 comment: